Pill-Popping, Balloons, And The Democrats National Convention: The Worst Moments Of The DNC


Let’s face it, last week’s DNC (Democratic National Convention) was pathetic. Aside from the DNC’s emails being hacked, which led to the party’s Chair, Debbie Wasserman (try not to look at her twice) Schultz to resign from her position, was how opportunistically low the event would go to win favor of the American people.

Unlike elections, you can’t rig good TV. This is where the Democrats week would inevitably get worse. In case you missed it, good job, the Democrats behaved liked a group of bellyaching, pill-popping, capricious balloon chasing, floundering floor throwing, Janus-faced jabbering, overly acrimoniously speaking- bitches.

Scrolling through social networking outlets, I saw a lot of questions being asked from those watching. I had some of my own plus a few observations. For starters, what the hell was Bill Clinton on? Is this the only work comedian Sarah Silverman can find these days? Have we found our new Jigglypuff with the emergence of that red-headed guy in tears? Let’s call him Red Tears. And how much more “female empowerment” will these wry windbags speak of? Seriously, at any moment, I was expecting two events to happen; 1997 and a Spice Girls reunion.
Here are the worst moments of last week’s DNC.


Bill Clinton’s Love For Balloons

Yes, I believe Billy Jefferson Clinton personally blew up all of the balloons at the convention with the help of his dear-friend, Morphine. We know the former president has a love for Jazz, interns, and “philanthropy”, but watching Bill swat balloons on-stage we can safely say that balloons is another thing that he has a passion for as well as the tablet that brings you to Unicorn Land.


Khizr Khan Attacks Trump With the Constitution

Yes, for the first time, in a good long time, the subjects; Democrats and a copy of the U.S. Constitution coincided. Khizr Khan is the culprit behind this occurrence. In case you have no clue who he is, much like Hillary’s V.P. pick, Khan is the father of a U.S. soldier, who happened to be Muslim, that died in the Iraq war. Progressives may herald this as a highlight, when Khan accused Trump of discriminating against Muslims, then pulling out a copy of the U.S. Constitution and offering it for Donald Trump to come acquainted with, I argue otherwise.

First, politicians have read the constitution. That’s not the problem. It’s the respect and adhering to the Constitution that is. Now, I don’t actually believe Khan believes this. I believe he was offered the stage by someone who works for the Hillary campaign. Duh, how else would he have gotten the chance to speak. Then he was told what to say. I believe he feels disdain towards Trump but the whole Constitution bit was pre-orchestrated by some half wit campaign assistant from the Hillary camp.

Why this is a “top worst moment?” Trump had nothing to do with the wars, he certainly didn’t vote for the Iraq war but Hillary did. Hillary Clinton is an enemy to the Constitution and namely the second amendment. This is no mystery, and therefore, Khan should have offered Clinton (as well as president Obama, who spoke later that night) a copy of the U.S. constitution. No worries though Mr. Khan, you’ll have plenty of chances when she becomes president and engages in many unconstitutional foreign interventionist efforts, and attempts to violate traditional civil liberties during her time in office. That’s for sure!

bernie or bust

Bernie-Toddlers Take The Floor, Literally

Yes, Bernie supporters, disillusioned and currently disenfranchised (I’d hate to pour on and tell y’all I told you so, but I told you so), behaved like toddlers in a grocery store after mommy told them “no candy,” crying and throwing themselves on the floor. As a Ron Paul supporter in 2012, we never acted in such a way, but then again, what’s new with these “Bernie-Babies?” They still collect an allowance for mowing their parents lawn (half ass at that) and that’s only the patch where they put their “Vote Bernie’ sign.

And yes, much to the Democratic chagrin, I loved every pathetic squalid second of the in-house fighting . Apparently, C-SPAN and the corporate media did too. They deemed, both Republican and Democrat Conventions a success.

chelsea clinton 2

The Starry-Eyed Girl In The Red Dress

With all joking aside, what was happening with Chelsea Clinton? Was she making a speech or holding in a fart? She looked frightened. She looked like Jeff Dunham should come out and stand next to her. Her lower mouth moving without agreement from her upper mouth. Much like Bill, and unlike Bill, she appeared to be pill-popping as well. Unlike daddy, I think her drug of choice was Xannax. Her eyes complacent, as she spoke of girl power and how great mom was. Finally, pasty pale white doesn’t go well with communist red.


Other than the “Female empowerment” theme, another theme was prevalent. Victimization. The Democrats decided to roll out victims from all over even if that meant kidnapping these people themselves and forcing them to tell the world that,” Democrats will save us from White male oppression.” We had sex slave victims, racist victims, gender victims, religious victims, victims that haven’t even been victimized yet! And even worse, as much as I forlorn these glue huffers, the biggest victims, were actually under the same roof. “Bernie’s Toddlers.”

The Race Card

If you didn’t know any better, or you were watching the DNC, people like Kelly Thomas, a homeless white man that was brutally beaten by police for no reason other than loitering never existed and, only young black men are killed by the police. Suddenly, a country that has black leadership, black celebrity, black influence and culture, is suffering from systemic racism. The cops, ‘racially influenced’, are gunning down our black children with intent. The Democrats actually believe that, and you might too, except it’s not institutionally motivated but rather individually, at best. Good luck defeating ignorant ideals but please waste my time and money in trying to do so. Anyways, Democrats in their best attempts to re-enact a scene from “The Color Purple,” brought out the mothers of the slain young black men and women, from the hands of law enforcement.

You can speak of white privilege and racially motivated incidents all you want. And clearly the Democrats will. But seemingly, the only people, the only party that thinks race is an issue, that being a woman is a problem, are the very people who obsess about it. “Easy for you to say, Derek.” “You’re a 32-year-old white male, what do you know about struggling?”

Here’s what I know, that I don’t know a single person in my life that is wealthy. Most people I know, including myself, wake up every day, living paycheck to paycheck, and often times we work to have less than people who depend on the system that Democrats proudly endorse and fund.

The DNC was a failure. It was a failure for the above reasons listed. The focus was put on race relations and how females suffer from inequality, when all reality points otherwise. What we didn’t hear about is how Hillary will continue the same policy, the same programs that have failed and doomed this country for years now. By bringing up these cooked up and imaginary issues of racism and gender inequality, Hillary was able to escape the fact that she will not bring about any true change in this country. Wars and instability will continue, Health-care will be a bureaucratic orgasm for special interest groups but a nightmare for taxpayers, taxpayers won’t see any relief, debt will continue to rise as well as spending, and excuses will continue to be made as to why issues aren’t solved.

Much like Obama, the left and the corporate media, made the DNC out as a “historical night.” And it was pure sexist as to why it was deemed such a historical night. You see, the Democrats are a sexist and racist party, when they are trying not to be. In reality, and in conclusion of how pathetic and abhorrent our country and its citizen base has become- these two conventions portrayed a grand ol’ time in America. That change is on the cusp. That “Democracy” is alive and well. That our voices will be heard. That the voters are waking up. What a laugh, all we saw was two parties play the same song over and over and over. You buy it, you listen to it, and after a while you get sick of it. Then you ask for a new song to be played. A new band. But all you get is a different name, the same instruments and the same show. Shame on you for attending!


 Derek Wood is a columnist and content creator for Distract.

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